ok let's do this one. very emotional song (to me).
but, first and foremost; listen to the song here
ok so I read somewhere that this song was actually written and dedicated to gerard's brother, Michael (or Mikey) Way, who, btw, was suspected to chave committed suicide bc of depression. it's like an 'ode' to gerard. dude, this song is so beautiful. i remember talking about how artistic this human is to one of my friends back in melbourne. we used to jam to mcr songs together and talk about song lyrics lol.
speaking of old friends. i think that's exactly what underlies this piece.
here's the full lyrics btw;
Does anyone have the time to bring me down?
And can I sleep all night long to the drums of the city rain?
Just make it up
Cuz I'm awake all night long to the drums of the city rain
And brother if you have the chance to pick me up?
And can I sleep on your couch to the pound of the ache and pain?
I'm my head cuz I'm awake all night long to the drums of the city rain
The lights we chase
The nights we steal
The things that we take
to make us feel this
I can't go back
Don't think I will
I won't sleep tonight as long as I still
Hear the drums of the city rain
Does anyone have the guts to shut me up?
Cuz I believe that every night
There's a chance we can walk away
So hold on tight
Because I won't wait too long in the drums of the beating rain
Cuz the nights don't last
And we leave alone
Will you drive me back?
Can you take me home?
The lights we chase
The nights we steal
The things that we take
to make us feel this
I can't go back
Don't think I will
I won't sleep tonight as long as I still
Hear the drums of the city rain
Faces I don't know
I am tired in the glow
Of the freezing glow
Keep me breathing don't make the lights come back
Can you take me home?
We all need this when we leave alone
Remember when you and I would make things up?
So many nights, just take me down to the place we would hear them play
I miss that sound
Cuz now we don't sing so loud
To the drums of the city rain
The lights we chase
The nights we steal
The things that we take
to make us feel this
I can't go back
Don't think I will
I won't sleep tonight as long as I still
Hear the drums of the city rain
Like strangers laugh and like subways feel
Things I'm trying to break
Oh, just wait until this is all we have to keep us ill
I won't breathe tonight as long as I still hear the drums of the city rain
ok i wanna begin by talking about how the tune in this song kinda reminds me of one of mcr's songs aka the famous 'welcome to the black parade'. im not talking about the exact melody per se (cos it doesnt match up exactly) but the beat somewhat gives me similar vibes.
lyrics-wise, it reminds me of 'the kids from yesterday' (another mcr song lol) in a way that i think it gives an this impression of how much he treasures the memories with his childhood friends. gives a very nostalgic emo feels when i internalise the lines.. :( i realised gerard likes to write about his friends and youthful life alot. maybe he feels more 'himself' back then. away from expectations imposed by the society, away from the consequences of fame. anyways, i think i kinda digress. maybe imma make another blogpost about that song another day, just because this song has a bit of a different message (even though both are talking about nostalgic past).
also, i read somewhere that if you listen to the beginning of the song VERY CLOSELY you can hear a conversation with a phone operator. im assuming this is a reenactment of the day he found out about the death of his brother.
Gerard: where is he, where's Mikey?
Operator: call down honey, it will be okay.
Gerard: where is he, where's my baby brother?
Operator: it will be okay I promise it will be okay. I need to tell you something... Mikey...
Gerard: Will he be okay? Mikey? Where's Mikey?
Operator:; he killed himself.
wow. what a powerful way to start off a song. RIGHT. when i found out about this fact im just like... speechless. i think that by itself is a very artistic way to express an underlying meaning in a song. i dont wanna feel sorry for gerard (just because idt that's his purpose to write this piece). i personally have a younger brother and im quite close to him. i guess if i ever lose him i'd feel p shit and probably go thru some depressive state. which is why i feel like i can empathise to gerard as i listen to this song. like, i just wanna cry even after listening to the first 30s of the song dude wtf. ok let's move on.
“Does anyone have the time to bring me down? And can I sleep all night long to the drums of the city rain?"
the 2 starting lines is basically talking about how he felt that everyone forgets him and noone actually cares about his presence. i think that's a very common state that everyone experience after losing someone who literally means alot to him/her.
"And brother if you have the chance to pick me up? And can I sleep on your couch to the pound of the ache and pain?"
i like how he's still talking to the brother at this point. like as if he's hopeful that mikey's ever gonna listen to him. he probably feels left out at this point, that's why he rhetorically asked if someone (or, preferably, his dead brother) is able to "pick him up", and help him getaway from the lonesome town he's been lost in. these 2 lines clearly support the prev verse. same meaning. same tone.
Cuz I'm awake all night long to the drums of the city rain
throughout the song, you'll hear him keep repeating this sentence. it's slotted in the different verses. a few times. i think it's quite interesting to highlight the emotions that could be attached to this moment. yknow, like, awake, at night, rain. feeling lonely, contemplated, or even exhausted. there are a few scenarios i could imagine he's going through. one of which is more easily matched is that maybe he feels super done keeping up with the societal expectation that drains his energy. we know when you feel really lost and depressed, there is literally no reason to put up positive energy. he just wanna ghost the world, even his friends. yknow, just shutting himself from any social means. but we all know how noone in this world wants to see that ugly side of us. we're all like the moon, we hide our dark side. walking away from society gives him a room to feel. to be real, perhaps. but ofc this also makes him feels contemplated because as we can see here he miss that sense of company. he miss having someone by his side. plus, when we feel dejected, the last thing we want is feeling neglected and rejected. we all need social support ultimately.
"Remember when you and I would make things up? So many nights, just take me down to the place we would hear them play. I miss that sound. Cuz now we don't sing so loud to the drums of the city rain"
we can see how puts such a high value to his friendship/brothership here.. he enjoyed his time with his brother, and im assuming his friends too. gerard seems to be someone who puts alot of meaning into the emotional connection he formed with people. which i think is very sweet.
“'Faces I don't know. I am tired in the glow. Of the freezing glow. Keep me breathing don't make the lights come back. Can you take me home? We all need this when we leave alone"
i think "home" can mean 2 things; 1st is his past and 2nd is the heaven. i think the latter makes more sense in this song because he does say. "freezing glow" probably refers to the fame. i guess we can relate it to how it's literally useless to know so many people, having countless connections on linkedin and friends on facebook when you have 0 that actually "make the lights come back". that makes you feel like home. that allows you to be real and raw. the hopelessness of the future is really emphasised by the time it hits this part of the song. maybe cos it's the bridge, so it's really where all emotions peak (partly because the melody emphasises that too). either way, it signifies signs of depression, negativity and just feeling helpless in general. i think there are a few contradictory phrases that are paired like "faces i dont know" in "freezing glow" and "take me home" and "alone" that are somewhat compiled in this hook, but it works out as a whole somehow to portray how despirited he feels.
"I can't go back, don't think I will"
it's actually quite interesting that although he feels nostalgic, he doesnt wanna go back to the past (not like he can, anyway). tbh personally, if i could, i 100% would. i miss my youth days. adulting is hard and it's too much. i cant imagine being in his position, like having to put up a face in front the public. i think being famous is hard. i dont really understand why people turn themselves into the arts just to be famous. but if i think about it again, he probably figured that he wants to change himself. he wanna leave that side of him that puts so much emotional attachments to people, experiences and places. he probs wanna trash that side of him. i think some people try to shut off their emotions completely when they go thru painful, scarring, rough path. especially when it comes to losing someone that means alot to you. gerard probably thinks that mikey doesnt even care about how gerard would feel if he left.
but then again, i always question why suicide has such a bad connotation. i know killing someone is wrong, but why is suicide wrong? i mean, it's their life, right?? they should be able to end it if they want to. think about it, like we keep people on death row just so we can "legally" kill them later. why is it okay to put someone to death but its not okay for those people to do it themselves? i mean i think suicide is quite a serious thing. you must hate your life so much (including the people in it) that you want to completely wipe yourself out. pretty sure we all have that thought before. people go thru sad days, but some managed to figure a way out to cope with that. people should understand that it's not the case with everyone. most people probably have had some suicidal thought before but only a few actually managed to do it. only a few can do it. people dk what it takes to go from thinking about it to doing it.
ok how come im here now talking about suicides. goodness me, my thoughts+emotions go everywhere when thinking about songs.
anyways, back to the song.
"Does anyone have the guts to shut me up? Cuz I believe that every night. There's a chance we can walk away. So hold on tight because I won't wait too long in the drums of the beating rain"
Over here we see how the main takeaway message come thru. basically trying to say there it's always our choice to change ourselves. sometimes we cant help but to walk away from what's emotionally draining us. and i don't think that's wrong. is it wrong to let go of whatever is holding you back from living a better life? i dont think it is. i love how this song not only gives you a story, but also some sort of advice, just like the title, "brother". it think "walk away" over here he actually means quitting mcr. maybe he has lost the spark that came with the band? maybe he feels like his creativity now feels forced and it doesnt match up to his style/frequencies? maybe he misses being able to express his real self like he used to? who knows, all i can see is that he probably feels so lost and lonely now and that's a pretty shit state to be in.
but tbh it might also imply that he's pretty done being down in the dumps and feelin shit. i think at this point he actually thinks, what if holding on to these memories (that are ofc attached to depression, addiction, and negativity) is the reason of him feel uneasy? he does indicated it here too;
"Like strangers laugh and like subways feel. Things I'm trying to break, oh, just wait until this is all we have to keep us ill"
"strangers laugh and like subway feel" probably refers to those random moments that remind him of the good old times (or his brother), yknow, drinking nights, partying, hanging out, playing around. i relate to this line 100% because i feel like im not that kind of person that can look back to the good old days and cherish the past. yes, i treasure those days alot. but i think i attach my emotions too much and define myself, my experiences in life so much on the past. i focus too much on the past that as soon as time goes by, things change, i feel so lost because that past is now nothing more than just a memory of people and places. when i look back and reminisce the old stuff i will always end up being sad for some reason. things change so quickly that i just feel like i cant keep up. idk if anyone can relate to this, but i certainly feel like gerard way could. with regards to the song, here gerard might feel the same way, because when he gets reminded of those days, when he continues being so attached to the memories and the little things he used to do with his mates, the people (who probably dont even exist anymore), it saddens him more and more. because now he has no one to laugh with. nothing to be happy about. he's probably aware of this feeling, when it comes, how often it comes, what triggers those "ill" emotions. obviously here he’s trying to stop it by avoiding those circumstances that trigger this feeling. even when it means that he needs to cut off and walk away.
moral of the story, i love how gerard tries to emphasise forward-thinking in this song. it's not like one of those sad songs that just keeps you sad and emo all day. it does make me sad though, because it's kinda got me in touch with those feelings again. the nostalgic emotions, bittersweet. never a nice thing for sure. but on top of it, there is actually a message he's trying to say, that life doesnt end just like that. and it's our choice to keep the negativity or not. kinda reminds me of laws of attraction. this song really lives by its title as a "brother", giving me some sort of emotional support. n i think it's just fucking beautiful.
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